It has been a week, people.
The moment I realized things were getting under my skin came on Thursday evening, as I tried to park for the Springsteen show at the Forum. I went to the wrong entrance and was instructed to turn around and go back down the street to an entirely different lot. Traffic was coming from both directions. I had no choice but to make a very illegal u-turn.
That's not the end of that vignette. But it helps to know what led up to then.
It begins with my trip to Malta, an island off the coast of Sicily the day after Springsteen. Malta is not easy to get to. The trip is for business purposes and I'd never been. But I'm in the middle of track season and was a little conflicted about leaving my runners for a week. It would also mean not having my regular writing routine for Taking Midway, which is becoming more pressing. Traveling a long distance means sleep management. And as you all know, for a man who loves to see the world, I sure do love my daily routine.
So I think it was the anticipation of the journey and its discomforts and logistics and break in my daily way of getting things done that had me a little sideways. Anticipation is the root of anxiety. For those of you who know me, and think that perhaps I'm a little on the laid back side, that is all a facade. I can be as anxious and uptight as anyone, particularly when I wake up at 3 am and count my fears. My wife, who loves to send me Insta memes about ADHD, has pretty well diagnosed the issue.
But hey, it's just a trip, I told myself. An adventure. Calm down. Missing a track meet and a few writing days is not the end of the world. The sleep will take care of itself.
Then the water heater broke. Water flooded my office and seeped into the walls, meaning plumbers and a restoration company shook their heads in commiseration before ripping out the drywall and pulling back the carpet then installing those big loud drying machines that make my dogs uneasy. Even as I prepared to leave the house for the journey, issues of insurance and rebuilding were sure to be waiting when I got back. Just to make sure the event hit home, I slapped my Amex down for a new water heater, which is not a cheap investment.
These things add up. I thought I was in my right mind; Calene told me I was distracted. I told her I was fine. She began looking at me strangely, as if she should take away the car keys. I told her I was fine.
Then something as simple as being told I was attempting to park in the wrong lot at the Forum led me away from the rational into the deeply stupid. So I made the very dangerous illegal u-turn. I thought the road was clear. I thought I pulled it off.
At the very last minute, right at the apex of my distraction, I saw the car that was about to t-bone the driver's side of my Rover. I braked hard. The other driver also jammed to a halt. We barely missed a collision. We made eye contact, though I was ashamed to look at her. She was in her thirties and alone, her face a mixture of terror and WTF. I averted my gaze and drove away, not completing the u-turn but fairly certain I barely missed either dying or wrecking my car — or both.
Later, during the concert, a woman slid into my spot into the row next to Calene when I stepped out for a quick bathroom break during "Letter to You." Happens all the time at concerts, someone sneaking past the usher to hide in the crowd.
"Move," I snapped at her the instant I got back, scaring her away, not even pretending for a minute that I wanted to be cool about sharing the space.
That was my shame about the near-accident coming out. Yeah, so maybe I was wound a little tight.
So here I am in Malta. The sun is shining. Tourists are everywhere. The journey was easy. The sleep took care of itself. A new water heater waits at home, along with the shambles of my office. I don't like the term mindful because it's a reminder that I'm not. Who can be mindful when the mind is thinking about split times, airport layovers, water heaters, the 1941 sinking of HMS Prince of Wales, and brain scans? When the little things add up and make you do stupid things, maybe mindful isn't such a bad thing after all.