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SELF-CARE

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SELF-CARE

After Calene got sick, my doctor was just one of many people — Callie included — who reminded me to take care of myself. It's the old adage about putting on the oxygen mask before you put one on someone else. I listened, though halfheartedly. My exercise habits remained solid, a mixture of running, lifting, hiking, and pelotons.

But I also have a job that requires me to sit for many hours at a time. It's easy to suggest that I get up and take a break every hour, but you lose the creative spell….

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TOTAL DARKNESS

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TOTAL DARKNESS

I'm in London again. Actually, I'm about to fly home. Writing this missive from the United Club after three nights in town. This wasn't a grief journey to write the eulogy (March) or an impulse trip to watch Josh Kerr break the world record in the mile (July) but an actual business trip.

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SCARIER

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SCARIER

I just finished A Gentleman in Moscow for the third time. I like the ending so much that I immediately reread the last forty pages. I've never read the great Russian writers, so next up is Anna Karenina. It's a big book. I have trouble with big books. Everyone raves about The Count of Monte Cristo but I couldn't get through it. Someday I will go back and start from page one with a different translation, but for now the Count is on my list of failed attempts to read classic books.

It mirrors my own failure to finish writing a novel.

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SAME TIME NEXT YEAR

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SAME TIME NEXT YEAR

I didn't go anywhere this weekend.

After filling the summer with flights from grief (literally), I cancelled a New York trip to see the USA National Track and Field Championships and attend a Foundation board meeting. Stayed home to coach the long run, watch the Tour for hours at a time, and sit on the porch with a good book. Maybe crack a few beers….

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DRIVING DAY

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DRIVING DAY

The shower in our Mammoth condo has the coldest water. Comes right off the mountain as snowmelt and blasts out of the faucet like a river of ice. A solid minute of that, followed by a quick turn to the right and instant hot water makes for an invigorating way to start the day.

That's not the only reason I'm driving to Mammoth tonight. The Southern Section track and field finals will go until 5:30 and then it's four hours up the mountain. I need to get away for a few days, go someplace where I can think and pray. Get the perspective that only distance can provide. This past week was just plain rough and I need to escape.

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MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

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MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

Another beautiful spring morning. Writing on the back deck, vases of sunflowers to my left and right. I am drifting, unmoored. Grief comes in waves accompanied by audible unplanned sighs. I should do something today. Maybe just go for a walk in the woods. I normally knock out this blog in 30 minutes or so. I've been sitting here now for a couple hours.

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LONG LAKE AND THE LONG RUN

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LONG LAKE AND THE LONG RUN

I am in Long Lake, Wisconsin at my college friend Dan Brown's hunting camp. The docks have been pulled out for the winter. A thick coat of ice still covers the surface. I flew in after coaching at The Ten Saturday night. One of my girls broke 5:00 for the mile for the first time. Got up at 5 the next morning for the drive to LAX. On the way, I saw a shadowy figure on the darkened tollway and swerved at the last minute. It was an owl, of all things. Enormous. Gray feathers. Flew away just in time. I have a thing for large birds of prey. Hawks, falcons, golden eagles, and owls. I would have been devastated if I had killed it. There's been quite enough death in my life recently.

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COMFORTABLY NUMB

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COMFORTABLY NUMB

Laid my sweetie to rest on Friday. I hear there's war with Iran, gas prices are soaring, and March Madness is in full swing. But I've been in a different place these past three weeks since she passed. She's all I think about. I haven't practiced my guitar or worked on my Duolingo French. I walk. I run. I feed the dogs. Keep the house clean, always using Windex to clean the counters because she thought that was important. I'm not hungry often, which is a first. I'm careful with my alcohol because I don't want to become a cliche — that guy who loses his wife and goes off the deep end.